Officials initially assumed this was a clerical error.
It was not. England now owns most of the continent’s left-backs.
The transfer window has become *Supermarket Sweep* with sporting directors: sprint through Europe, throw three wingers into the trolley and hope somebody remembers a goalkeeper.
Twenty English clubs have collectively outspent 76 teams across Spain, Germany, Italy and France.
The Bundesliga and Ligue 1 have actually made money, a financial achievement usually accomplished in football by no longer having any players.
La Liga and Serie A are still spending, but with the restraint of people who have recently checked their bank balance.
Tottenham currently have Europe’s highest net spend at almost £150m.
After consecutive 17th-place finishes, the club has sensibly purchased a large quantity of distance from 18th.
English teams insist the spending is necessary to remain competitive with other English teams, who are spending because all the English teams are spending.
It is a flawless economic system requiring only unlimited money.
Promoted clubs are also shopping heavily. Survival now depends on replacing the players who earned promotion with 14 men who have never visited Coventry.
By deadline day, Europe is expected to contain several empty training grounds, a receptionist and one experienced holding midfielder whom Manchester United are monitoring.
The Premier League says its wealth attracts the world’s greatest talent.
Europe agrees and would like some of it back before the season starts.
If current trends continue, the Champions League will soon be able to reduce travel costs by holding every match in Surrey.